Reader: May 2009

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Candy and Carrion




Abarat
by Clive Barker
388pp, HarperCollins, £17.99
On the one hand, the stakes are high for Clive Barker: this book has to follow some pretty tough acts. This is an extremely rich time for "young adult" fantasy books (by Philip Pullman, of course, along with the likes of Chris Wooding, Philip Reeves, Neil Gaiman and others). On the other, as well as knowing that this is Barker, dammit, you read Abarat already buoyed up by the times. You're eager to love this beautiful, heavy, richly coloured slab of a book. And, thankfully, it is easy to love.

It is the first of a promised quartet exploring the archipelago of Abarat. In outline the story is classic - bright child (Candy Quackenbush) bowed by grubby reality (Chickentown, USA) escapes into astonishing fantasyland, meets strange companions, and embarks on quest. However, many things make Abarat stand apart.

Unlike most classics of this kind, Abarat starts with a prologue in the fantasyland itself, tracking an incomprehensible conversation between three of its inhabitants, before we meet Candy. In other words, we do not fall down a rabbit hole into the magic kingdom with our protagonist: we know about the magic already, and have to wait for her to catch up. This is a double-edged sword. What is inevitably lost is the first astonishment - the sense of awe as we step out of the Kansas house with our child-avatar into a Technicolor Oz.

But something is also gained. By introducing Candy to what we have already seen, the solipsism of childhood is undercut: there is no room for this to be only a dream. The moral and philosophical stakes are raised: actions have consequences in what must be a real, though alternate, world. A foundation of ethical seriousness is established, which is not too badly undermined by intimations of Candy's "destiny" - an annoying trope impossible to pull off except at the cost of the characters' agency.

For the most part, people will read this book for the setting, and for the monsters. The narrative takes the reader to some of the 25 islands of Abarat: each of them, in a mystical way, is an hour of the day, and one is the time outside time. The story appears to revolve around Candy's impending struggle with Christopher Carrion, Lord of Midnight, and his attempts to establish eternal night. But in fact, nothing is so simply moralistic in Barker's universe. In a subtle subversion, Barker quietly begins to intimate that the "dark lord" may not be the problem at all: it may be the ambitious, urbane Rojo Pixler, capitalist extraordinaire, whose cheery brand the Commexo Kid is spreading through Abarat with all the vigour of Starbucks.

But though the intricacies of the political machinations are well done, and there is plenty of foreshadowing to keep us coming back, Abarat is not a book in which plot is paramount. Above all, this is a deeply lovely catalogue of the strange. Islands carved into colossal heads, giant moths made of coloured ether, words that turn into aeroplanes, tentacled maggot-monsters: they dance past like a carnival, a true surrender to the weird, vastly more inventive than the tired figures that visit some bespectacled boy-wizards. The joy is that all these imagined things are enthusiastically illustrated by Barker himself.

Barker's art is not the carefully drafted work of, say, Maurice Sendak or Walter Moers. Instead, the rich oil paintings that fill Abarat are muscular, expressionist, often frightening: unconstrained by mimetic realism or cutesy-pie kiddy-lit condescension. Apparently, the sight of these paintings alone led Disney to buy the movie rights to Abarat for tankerloads of money.

The heart sinks a bit when one reads in small print that the "logo" (ie the title as rendered) is already copyrighted by Disney, and thinks of Barker's gorgeously painted (and named) monsters - John Mischief, the Criss-Cross Man, Mater Motley - being Little Mermaided up. There are plenty of aspects of the book, thankfully, that will resist domestication. My tenner, for example, says that if we meet Two-Toed Tom in the movie, he won't be the spiral-tattooed sailor whose proudly displayed photos of his "strange household" gently reveal him to be both non-monogamous and gay. It will also be interesting to see how Uncle Walt deals with Barker's none too subtle insinuations that the worst problem facing Abarat is the rise of monopoly capitalism. Unusually, this fantasyland has a political economy, and it's not feudalism-lite.

Barker is one of the few writers who has altered an entire field: more than anyone since Lovecraft, he has changed the shape, the corporeality of horror. It is therefore slightly surprising how unhorrific Abarat is. There are horrors, of course: but we aren't terrified (except, perhaps, by the hinted-at Lovecraftian presences in the deeps, which will rise in book four, I'd imagine). But even this is related to one of the book's strengths. You cannot have an unearthly terror who is also a protagonist. In Abarat, we spend time inside even "evil" Christopher Carrion's head. And what we therefore lose in terror, we more than make up for in intricacy and empathy. Abarat is a sumptuous and lovely thing. With beautiful pictures of monsters.

· China Miéville's latest novel, The Scar, is published by Macmillan.

Madonna, Hard Candy


In your local newsagent, Madonna currently stares down from four magazine covers. One of them belongs to a style magazine, celebrating the release of Hard Candy with a Madonna special that goes on and on like the old girl's career. Its 70 pages commence with an unwittingly hilarious interview. The journalist quotes Hard Candy's lyrics with a solemnity that suggests the words have been handed to him on tablets of stone. Every line is granted its own paragraph, as befits such sage words of profundity: "See my booty get down."

The album itself is described as "the next genre flux, a sonic collage ... the sound of a self-satisfied America teetering on the edge of nihilism", which is certainly one way of saying that it sounds like Justin Timberlake's last album. Indeed, the FutureSex/Lovesounds team - producers Timbaland and Danja, and Timberlake himself - are present for half of Hard Candy, a mixed blessing.

At its best, Futuresex/Lovesounds was a marvellous, forward-thinking pop/R&B album. But they've stuck rigidly to the formula of honking rave synthesisers, sweaty funk riffs, clattering beats - and it sounds less startling second time around. Not having to come up with any new ideas has allowed Timberlake more time to indulge in his famous hobby of thoroughly establishing that he enjoys having sex, apparently in the belief that this makes him unique. That may be linked to spending the early Noughties squiring pop's most famous virgin: if you had lived your teens and early 20s with the entire civilised world certain you weren't getting any, you too might tend to overstate the case in later life. But umpteen World's Sexiest Man awards later, there's still something unconvincing about his Don Juan routine. "Madonna," he husks, "I'm taking you to the club." It's clearly meant to be an invitation laden with erotic portent, but it somehow makes you think of a taxi driver, dolefully confirming a destination.

Timberlake and co's approach is firmly rooted in R&B. It's about grooves rather than memorable songs, and Madonna just doesn't make for a convincing soul diva. Anyone fearful for the Ritchie marriage's future should be less worried by the lyrics of Miles Away - which imply Madonna prefers to be where her husband isn't - than the fact that she sings them with the emotional engagement of a sat-nav suggesting a right turn onto the A23. Thankfully, production duo the Neptunes ride to Hard Candy's rescue, armed with an understanding that Madonna's strength lies in helming a gleaming pop song - Incredible welds a charmingly flowery, Cherish-ish tune to heavyweight beats. Give It 2 Me has a peculiar lope somewhere between ska and Rick James' Super Freak. She's Not Me starts out as Chic-ish disco, features a pounding guitar-heavy middle eight, then becomes Daft Punk-inspired techno.

Perhaps Timberlake et al were just frozen into inaction, as overawed as our style-mag chum by the star's sheer celebrity and cultural impact: however famous and successful you may be, you're not as famous and successful as Madonna. She has claimed her collaborators weren't above cracking jokes at her expense, but their boldness evidently didn't extend to suggesting she do something about her lyrics, which are appalling. On Dance 2night, she once again furnishes a grateful world with the red-hot information that being wealthy and attractive doesn't automatically make you a nice person: "You don't have to be rich and famous to be good." You can't argue with the sentiment, but there's something a bit galling about the way she says something like this on every album she makes, as if she keeps forgetting it, only to be reminded en route to the studio.

Then there's Spanish Lessons, which would be a fantastic song - its flamenco guitar dragged from the realm of cliche by a startlingly propulsive rhythm track - were it not for the lyrics. These are bilingual - "Te quiero means 'I love you" ... Besame means 'kiss me' ... Callate means 'close your mouth'," the latter phrase handy if you're ever find yourself opposite a messy eater in Malaga. In the spirit of the song, it should be pointed that they're a frightful load of viejo cojones. "When you do your homework, get up on the dancefloor," she offers. Que?

Hard Candy is a let-down after 2005's triumphant Confessions on a Dancefloor. Still, your disappointment is tempered by the certainty that there'll be another Madonna album along in a bit, and it would be a foolish man who wrote off her chances of scaling the heights again. "I can go on and on," she sings on a track called Heartbeat. Twenty-six years into her career, who would doubt it?

Top 10 ethical British chocolates

1 Green & BlacksInarguably the biggest and most famous British ethical chocolatier, Green & Blacks' sheer scale means you could argue it's the most ethical too. But since launching the world's first Fairtrade Mark product in 1994 - its distinctive and delicious orange-and-spice Maya Gold - the company has come in for flak on its ethics. On the Fairtrade front it still only has one Fairtrade chocolate bar in a 16-strong certified organic range. Then there was the 2005 takeover by Cadbury Schweppes, which was a stretch too far for many ethical shoppers. Plus the choc critics at Seventypercent.com have complained that Maya Gold's cocoa mass cut (from an original 70% to today's 55%) was a step backward. Still, it's one of the tastiest ethical chocs you can buy, as well as the easiest to find.· Typical price for Maya Gold: £1.75http://www.greenandblacks.com/

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2 MalagasyWith sales topping a record £300 million this year, Fairtrade's clearly doing some good, but some people think more can be done. That's where Malagasy's 'Equitrade' concept comes in, though like any self-appointed ethical label, it's worth taking with a pinch of salt. But the theory is sound: help developing world producers by exporting high value finished products such as chocolate bars rather than the lower value raw material, cocoa. We found the Madagscan Sambirano bar - Malagasy's the word for Madagscar's language - lived up to its billing as 'intense'. This is really strong dark chocolate; one reviewer on choc connoisseur site Seventypercent.com aptly describes it as '[hitting] you hard and heavy like a ton of bricks.'· Typical price for Sambirano: £3.25http://www.malagasy.co.uk/


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3 DivineLike many of the chocs here, Divine's bars are all Fairtrade. Founded in 1998, it's always been co-owned by a British business (previously Day Chocolate, now Divine Chocolate) and a Ghanaian cocoa farmer's co-op, Kuapa Kokoo. Last year, however, Kuapa Kokoo's share of ownership rocketed up to nearly half thanks to the Body Shop donating its shares to the co-op, meaning the producers now enjoy a substantial share of the profits. Like Green and Blacks, Divine's choc family has a very distinctive flavour. The dark choc's moderately bitter - we recommend the new fruit and nut - and the milk varieties are creamy but not too sweet. The range isn't organic, as the Ghanaian cocoa board is yet to be convinced that Ghanaian chocolate would survive without pesticides.· Typical price for dark chocolate 100g: £1.25 http://www.divinechocolate.com/



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4 Booja-BoojaDespite a history of Rowntree and Cadbury, it's safe to say few proper chocolate bars and goodies are made in Britain these days - many of those featured here are actually manufactured in Germany and Switzerland. Booja Booja's organic-certified chocolate cornucopia, however, is all hand-made in Norfolk. The result is a wide range of truffles that look genuinely artisan rather than mass-produced. The tastes are all very grown-up, with the Golden Ticket a champagne truffle that delivers a brain-jolting cacao hit to rival Malagasy's Sambirano bar. The only disappointment is the alcohol tastes more like than generic licquer chocolate booze rather than vintage champagne. Booja Booja doesn't set explicit goals for fair trade ingredients.· Typical price for organic champagne truffles: £7.29 http://www.boojabooja.com/


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5 Chocolala If you've been lusting over Booja-Booja's hand-made chocs for a while but sought a Fairtrade experience rather than an organic one, step this way. Chocolala is the newest kid on the ethical chocolate block and produces beautiful, delicious Fairtrade-certified chocolates with a steep price to match. Delivered in handsome metal tins that you're encouraged to reuse, the chocolate-dipped mango and dark chocolate truffles inside - made by two Quakers - are accompanied by a serious cocoa hit. Ingredients are sourced as locally as possible to Hebden Bridge, in West Yorkshire, with the cream in the milk chocs coming from a dairy just two miles away. · Price for one tin: £25 + postagehttp://www.chocolala.co.uk/

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6 Montezuma'sThis independently-owned boutique chocolate maker has seven shops across the country, including a high profile one on the edge of Spitalfields Market. It is producing some of our favourite chocolate - including a delicious, tongue-tingling nutmeg milk chocolate. It's Very Dark chocolate is very fine too. Ethically, though, Montezuma's takes a leftfield approach. Its chocolate is all certified organic, but it eschews Fairtrade certification on the grounds that it simplifies the issue: it argues that its farmers in Peru and the Dominican Republic get a higher price than Fairtrade cocoa because the quality is so high. As it's not independently monitored or audited, of course, we've only got Montezuma's word. One thing is clear - we love the fact the company's £20,000 advertising budget is donated to charity instead of being spent on ads.· Typical price for milk chocolate nutmeg 100g: £1.99http://www.montezumas.co.uk/
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7 Duchy OriginalsWith a founder like the Prince of Wales, you'd expect Duchy Originals' grub to have high standards. Its certified-organic chocs duly deliver - the dark chocolate thins have a satisfying bite and a sweet rather than bitter taste, while the assortment boxes make for suitably sumptuous gifts, featuring treats like raspberry truffles and roasted almond and apricot clusters. If we're nit-picking - and we are - we'd note that the flavour is more generic and less distinctive than some of its rivals here. Although there's no fair trade element to the chocs, you can take comfort in the knowledge that all Duchy Originals' profits (a total of £1 million a year) go the Princes' Charities.· Typical price for dark thins: £5.99http://www.duchyoriginals.com/


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8 OrganicaOn paper, the ethics behind these Fresh and Wild-stocked chocs are pretty flawless. It's certified organic by the Soil Association and bears the official Fairtrade Mark. Ethical Consumer magazine agrees, awarding Organica a very high 16 out of 20; Green and Blacks, by comparison, scores a meagre 9. There's also a charity aspect to the milk bars - 5% of the price of each goes to a monkey conservation trust in Cornwall - and the packaging includes recycled paper. While we found the milk versions far too buttery, we're big fans of the dark chocolate with hazlenut, which tastes very similar to its Green and Blacks' counterpart.· Typical price for dark hazelnut 100g: £1.79http://www.venturefoods.com/

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9 Blakes While Blakes isn't strictly British - it's an Irish company founded by entrepreneur Denise Gleeson - its chocolate and ethics are so good it merits a place on this list. It ticks both the organic and Fairtrade boxes with the certification to match. Gleeson also makes the point that her chocs don't contain soya lecithin - an additive that binds cocoa and cocoa butter - which some people worry could be linked to soya allergies. Divine doesn't use soya lecithin either. The finished bars are wonderfully bittersweet in their extra dark (71%) incarnation although buttery-tasting rather than milky in the milk ones.· Typical price for dark chocolate 100g: £2.40http://www.blakesorganicchocolate.ie/

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10 TraidcraftTraidcraft's been pushing Fairtrade for almost 30 years. It's still innovating, though, spinning off a myriad of Soil Association organic and Fairtrade chocolate goodies, from choc-glooped peanuts and ginger to traditional milk, dark and coffee-flavoured bars. The flavour of its bars is not subtle - the milk chocolate is incredibly milky to the point of almost tasting like Cadbury Dairy Milk. The Cappuccino bar whacks you with a very strong coffee flavour on first bite. You also get the pleasant after-taste that all profits are going to charity.· Typical price for milk chocolate 100g: £12 for 10http://www.traidcraftshop.co.uk/










A brief history of chocolate

Last week's fuss over Cosimo Cavallaro's larger than life-size milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ in New York is a bit surprising. In an age that has given us chocolate-scented socks, perfume and shower gel, lip gloss, roulade soap and casts of intimate parts of the human anatomy, why stop at the Lord and Saviour of Mankind? It's not as if Christian websites don't already offer communion boy lollipops, chocolate crucifixes decorated with lilacs, a chocolate Last Supper plaque and Jesus and Mary chocolate moulds.
You can get almost anything you want in chocolate. It is an all-pervasive symbol of decadence, and throughout its history it has been the quintessential indulgence. Casanova and the Marquis de Sade used it in their seductive repertory; Samuel Pepys used it as a hangover cure. It has been used to disguise poison. The 17th-century Bishop of Chiapas was an early victim of death by chocolate, as was Pope Clement XIV.
Linguists and anthropologists have dated the earliest use of cacao - originally pronounced kakawa - to the Olmec and Mayan civilisations, at about 1000 BC. Details of classic Mayan vases show the head of the maize god suspended in a cacao tree, and even at the earliest stage of its history, cacao was seen to possess something of the divine. It was used as a face paint during religious rituals and placed in the tombs of the dead. Pictures on painted and carved vessels suggest that any voyage to the underworld would be sustained by an early form of chocolate drink.
From the very beginning it was considered divine. The Mayans believed the pods of the cacao tree were an offering from the gods to man, and when Linnaeus, the Swedish botanist, gave it a formal classification in the 18th century he called it theobroma cacao, meaning "drink of the gods" from the Greek theos (god) and broma (beverage).
Cacao beans also formed some of the earliest known forms of coinage. Mayan long-distance porters were paid with beans. By the 16th century the Nicarao of Nicaragua had established an appropriate pricing system: a slave was worth 100 beans and a prostitute 10. At the same time it was thought the most energy-giving food in existence. "He who drinks a cup of this liquid, no matter how far he walks, can go a whole day without eating anything else," wrote Hernán Cortés to King Carlos I of Spain, after he had made his conquest of the Aztecs in 1519.
The Aztecs are likely to have had different forms of drinking chocolate, adding maize, chilli, aniseed, and even flowers to see them through festivities. The 16th-century Italian traveller Girolamo Benzoni told how "they used to spend all the day and half the night in dancing with only cacao for nourishment". We know Montezuma served chocolate to Cortés and the conquistadors, for the chronicler Bernal Díaz describes a banquet at which the highlight was 50 jars of peppered chocolate.
The earliest form of chocolate needed refining for European sensibilities. Monks who had accompanied the conquistadors were convinced the energy-giving properties of cacao could help them through fasting, and they began to make improvements, increasing the sweetness and using a whisk known as a molinillo to add more froth. It was reputedly a Spanish maid, La Molinilla, who took the secret from Spain to France with her mistress, Anne of Austria, when she married Louis XIII in 1651.
The craze then spread through Europe. The great French gastronome Brillat Savarin wrote that: " It is above all helpful to people who must do a great deal of mental work." It certainly aided the novelist Colette, who used it to sustain her through her writing: "After my morning's cup of lilac chocolate, I would hurry back to my quarters. In Paris I was never hungry." The French courtesan Mme de Sevigny, a pronounced lover of chocolate, remarked that " it warms you for an instant; then, all of a sudden, it kindles a mortal fever in you".
By the beginning of the 18th century, even the English had decided to try it. At smarter London establishments such as White's and The Cocoa Tree, the new drink replaced coffee as the beverage of choice. The Cocoa Tree was the favourite haunt of the Tory party, whereas White's was frequented by Whig aristocrats, writers and bon viveurs who soon found themselves depicted in Hogarth's The Rake's Progress. Dr Henry Stubbs created a chocolate balsam or sap he believed could cure "hysterical fits, hypochondriacal melancholy, love passions, consumptive pinings away, and spermatical fevers". He even recommended its use as a balm to be applied to the testicles in order to encourage both erection and the healthy production of sperm.
Up until the 19th century, however, chocolate only existed in liquid form. The process of making it solid proved surprisingly difficult and only became possible after the invention of a cocoa press by Dutchman Conrad van Houten in 1828. Until then, chocolate had been made by grinding the roasted cocoa beans into a "chocolate liquor" and combining it with sugar and spices. But the cocoa bean consisted of 53% fat. Some could be extracted using a hand press, but Van Houten's invention was far more efficient, removing two thirds of the fat, and adding potash to neutralise the acids and making it more digestible. This process, which darkens the colour and lightens the flavour, is still known as "dutching".
At last chocolate could become solid, and existing manufacturers upgraded their production. Companies such as William Cadbury and Joseph Fry were quick to see that what had previously been an exclusive product could become generally available. The Frys became the sole suppliers of chocolate to the navy, making them the largest chocolate manufacturer in the world, and not to be outdone, the rival Cadbury family gained the title of purveyors of chocolate to Queen Victoria. She was so obsessed with its life-enhancing qualities that she sent 500,000 lbs to the army.
These early British producers were all Quakers, and they recognised their product might help in their crusade against the evils of alcohol. It soon became the chief weapon of the temperance movement. Mass-market production in Britain therefore began with good intentions. But the increase relied on less philanthropic principles.
Slavery was, and in some cases still is, an endemic part of its production. A 1998 report by Unicef claimed enslaved children were still working on Ivory Coast plantations, and in 2003 Save the Children suggested the figure for those involved in this work could be as high as 200,000. The Ivory Coast produces 45% of the world's £6.6bn annual cocoa crop and campaigners have suggested such products should carry the label "Made by Slaves". But because chocolate produced here is often mixed with supplies from other sources, it's hard to ascertain its origin.
Chocolate has always been a paradoxical substance: associated with temptation and temperance, elitism and democracy, exploitation and fairness, romance and solitary pleasure. There is nothing quite like it.
· James Runcie is the author of The Discovery of Chocolate. His novel Canvey Island is published in paperback by Bloomsbury this month

The dark side of chocolate

A world shortage of chocolate may be just around the corner, which may come as a surprise as you stack your shopping basket with multi-buy Easter eggs in preparation for the seasonal choc-fest.
Droughts in west Africa - where nearly 70% of the world's cacao beans are grown - combined with our growing taste for dark chocolate, which requires more of the cacao beans that produce cocoa, is leading to increased demand and higher prices. It's a crisis that will be close to the heart of many a young chocoholic, and the chocolate industry itself provides a fruitful and fascinating area of study for many areas of the curriculum, including geography, design and technology, science and even music.
To whet their appetites, ask students to write a diary of the chocolate they eat. Across the world, tastes are changing and we're eating more dark chocolate. A greater awareness of global issues also means we're buying more fair-trade chocolate. Are these trends reflected in their research?
Chocoholics
Many of your students will consider themselves chocolate experts so tap into this. Test out their expertise on the "fun" section of the Chocolate Review website where they have to identify chocolate bars from a picture of the cross-section (www.chocolatereview.co.uk/fun/default.asp).
They'll have strong opinions of the different varieties, so get them to survey their preferences. The Chocolate Review website polls visitors to find out their favourite bars. Compare the findings and encourage them to question their knowledge of chocolate. Do they have brand loyalty? Do they eat fair-trade chocolate? Create some blind taste testings.
They may be experts on the end product, but how much do your students know about the chocolate-making process? A How Stuff Works video demonstrates how beans turn into different types of chocolate (http://videos.howstuffworks.com/chocolate-video.htm). The "read" link on the same page gives further information and both sources will help students to write instructions on how to make chocolate.
Growing and trading chocolate
Take students further back in the process to the countries where cacao beans are produced. They grow in countries such as the Ivory Coast, Indonesia and Brazil, covering a narrow geographical zone around the equator. Ask students to find out the top 10 cocoa-producing countries (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocoa). Using a blank world map (eg www.eduplace.com/ss/maps/pdf/world_country.pdf), students can colour in the countries, discussing what they have in common.
The industry has become a focus for fair trade and there are some excellent sites that illustrate the issue. The Pa Pa Paa site provides rich and colourful resources on Ghana for KS2 and KS3 (www.papapaa.org). Use the "check these out" links on the home page about making chocolate to help younger students write the journey of a chocolate bean from tree to bar. Comprehensive citizenship resources for older students, including the Chocolate Trading Game, can be found at www.citizen.org.uk/Democracy/pdf/34.pdf.
Slavery
The recent bicentenary of the abolition of the slave trade in this country was a disturbing reminder of past inhumanity. How much more disturbing, then, to realise that slavery still exists and may have contributed to our chocolate bars? Show students a film that shows slave labour in the world's biggest single producer of cocoa, the Ivory Coast: http://freetheslaves.net/store/slavery-a-global-investigation (the section on the Ivory Coast begins 11 minutes into the film).
Ask students to create their own music or poetry to publicise the existence of slavery in the chocolate industry. They can gain inspiration from the "chocolate rappas" competition winners, whose superb songs can be found on the attractive Dubble site (www.dubble.co.uk/funandgames/radio.shtml).
Divine Chocolate, from the same company as Dubble, is the focus for a Design Council case study (www.designcouncil.info/educationresources/profiles.html). Encourage students to study the market, then create and explain a design for a new fair-trade chocolate bar.
Alternatively, show students one of the chocolate recipes on Video Jug (www.videojug.com/search/chocolate), eg How to make the perfect hot chocolate, and ask them to storyboard the video, ie create rough sketches of each of the main frames of the video. This will help them to appreciate the structure of the film (and the recipe). With students in pairs, ask them to find their own chocolate recipe, to storyboard it, then create their own digital film of the recipe. The results can be edited on Windows Movie Maker or iMovie (Macs). Who knows, you may be nurturing the next Jamie or Nigella!
As they try out the results of their recipe, ask them to consider the effect of chocolate on their bodies. Many claims have been made for this complex substance, including lowering cholesterol, easing hangovers and generally making us feel good. Students can find out more about the science of chocolate, including why chocolate makes us feel good, at www.bbc.co.uk/science/hottopics/chocolate and a lesson plan and attractive resource can be found at ScienceUpd8: www.upd8.org.uk/activity/124/Inside-Easter-Eggs.html.
Curriculum links
Key stage 2
Citizenship 2a, 2d, 2h, 2j, 3a;
Design and technology 1a-d, 2a-f;
English (En1) 1a-f, 2a-e; (En2) 2a-d, 3a-g; (En3) 1a-e;
Geography 1a, 1c, 2a, 2c-d, 2f, 3a-d;
Music 1a-c, 2a-b 4c-d;
Science (Sc1) 2a-b; (Sc2) 2a, 2g
Key stage 3
Citizenship 1a, 1f, 1i, 2a-c, 3a;
Design and technology 1a-h, 2a-e;
English (En1) 1a-g, 2a-f; (En2) 1a-f, 4a-d, 5a-d; (En3) 1a-o;
Geography 1a, 2a, 2c-d, 2f, 3a-b, 2e;
Music 1a-c, 2a-b, 3b-c;
Science (Sc1) 2a; (Sc2) 2a-c
Key stage 4 Citizenship 1a, 1e-j, 2a-c 3a-c;
Design and technology 1a-g, 2a-c;
English (En1) 1a-g, 2a-f; (En2) 1a-f, 4a-d, 5a-d; (En3) 1a-o;
Science single (Sc1) 2a; (Sc2) 2a; double (Sc1) 2a; (Sc2) 2a
Scottish links
English language (levels C-F);
Environmental studies: society, science and technology (levels C-F);
Expressive arts (levels C-F)

The experts' choice: The world's best chocolate

Expert: Chantal Coady
The founder of Rococo Chocolates recommends
1. William Curley
William Curley is based in Richmond, Surrey. He makes brilliant chocolate.
• 10 Paved Court, Richmond, Surrey, 020 8332 3002; williamcurley.co.uk
2. Jean-Paul Hévin
Jean-Paul Hévin makes very beautiful and occasionally rather wacky chocolates - with things such as goats' cheese in them.
He has shops in Paris, Japan and Hong Kong.
• 231 rue Saint-Honoré, Paris, 00 33 1 55 35 35 96; 23 Avenue de la Motte-Picquet, Paris, 00 33 1 43 54 09 85; jphevin.com
3. Michel Chaudun
Michel Chaudun is a maverick chocolate-maker working on his own in Paris. He ignores the fashions and politics of the chocolate world, and was the first person to use the crunchy little cocoa nibs to make chocolates, that everyone has since copied.
• 149 rue de l'Université, Paris, 00 33 1 47 53 74 40; michel-chaudun.jp
4. Grenada Chocolate Company
One of my favourite places is the Belmont Estate in Grenada, where you can see the cocoa grown, fermented and dried. Down the road is the Grenada Chocolate Company, where, unusually, the beans are processed into bars rather than shipped off to be made elsewhere. This is because, along with growing organically and using solar power, they are committed to regenerating the cocoa-growing communities locally and providing jobs.
• St Patrick's, Grenada, 001 473 442 0050; grenadachocolate.com; rococochocolates.com5. Larry Burdick
Larry Burdick produces really delicious handmade chocolates - even chocolate turkeys.
• 47 Main St, Walpole, New Hampshire, 001 800 229 2419; burdickchocolate.com
6. Paul de Bondt
Paul de Bondt is a Dutch chocolate-maker who set up business with Italian designer Cecilia Lacobelli. They have an amazing little shop in Pisa selling high-quality chocolates.
• Lungarno Pacinotti, Pisa, 00 39 50 316 0073; debondtchocolate.com
7. Paul A Young
I really love the chocolate that north-London based Paul Young makes.
• 33 Camden Passage, London N1, 020 7424 5750, and 20 Royal Exchange, Threadneedle St, London EC3, 020 7929 7007, paulayoung.co.uk; and available at Rococo Chocolates, 45 Marylebone High St, London W1, 020 7245 0993; rococochocolates.com
Expert: Chloé Doutre-Roussel
Chocolate consultant, author of The Chocolate Connoisseur, designer of Chocolatea at Selfridges, and co-creator of El Ceibo chocolates with a Bolivian cooperative (chloechocolat.com) recommends
8. Pierre Herme
Paris is still the best place in the world to find chocolate. Although Pierre is most renowned for his pastries, his chocolates are exquisite, too. Try the plain ganache with cocoa-nib crust - and the different-flavoured 'fingers' are to die for.
• 72 rue Bonaparte, Paris, 00 33 1 43 54 47 77; pierreherme.com
9. Frans Chocolates
There are no really fantastic chocolatiers in the US except Frans Chocolates in Seattle. You'll have to make the trip for their caramels.
• 2626 NE University Village St, Seattle, 001 206 528 9969; 10036 Main St, Bellevue, 001 425 453 1698; franschocolates.com
10. Zingerman's
This Michigan-based deli is great for guiding you towards the best gourmet chocolate bars to your taste. Again, you'll have to go there.
• 422 Detroit Street, Ann Arbor, Michigan, 001 888 636 8162; zingermans.com
11. Spruengli Chocolates
I love Spruengli shops for their bars made from felchlin couverture and their 'volcano' truffles with Bolivian felchlin couverture - they have shops in all the train stations and in the centres of most major Swiss cities.
• Paradeplatz, Bahnhofstrasse 21, Zurich, 00 41 44 224 47 11; Gilberte de Courgenay-Platz 4, Bern, 00 41 31 998 90 90; Railcity Basel, Güterstrasse 115, Basel, 00 41 61 362 00 66; spruengli.ch
12. Laurent Gerbaud
I very much enjoy the bars and the chocolate-covered dried fruits in this lovely Brussels shop. Some of his produce is influenced by time he spent in China.
• Centre Dansaert, Rue d'Alost 7, Bruxelles, 00 32 2 213 37 20; chocolatsgerbaud.be, and in the UK at selected branches of Waitrose
Expert Gerard Coleman and Anne Weyns
The founders of L'Artisan du Chocolat recommend
13. Guido Gobino
Some of Turin-based Guido Gobino's chocolates are traditional, some exotic, but all brilliant. He does the most fantastic gianduja [hazelnut] chocolate in the world.
• 15b Via Cagliari, Turin, 00 39 11 2476245; guidogobino.it and in the UK at natoora.co.uk
14. Patrick Roger
Paris-based chocolatier Patrick Roger has incredible artistic sense. His speciality is caramel-coloured half-spheres.
• 108 Bld Saint-Germain, 00 33 1 43 29 38 42; 45 ave Victor Hugo, Paris, 00 33 1 45 01 66 71; 47 rue Houdan, Sceaux, 00 33 1 47 02 30 17; patrickroger.com
15. Fabrice Gillotte
Based in Lyon, Fabrice is less well known than many of the chocolatiers of Paris, but very good. His speciality is chocolates flavoured with regional Bourgogne ingredients.
• 21 rue du Bourg, Dijon, 00 33 3 80 30 38 88; chocolat-gillotte.com
16. Bernachon
Maurice Bernachon in Lyon is one of the few artisans who produces chocolate from scratch, from beans. Worth the journey.
• 42 cours Franklin-Roosevelt, Lyon, 00 33 4 78 24 37 98; bernachon.com
17. Le Chocolat de H
Le Chocolat de H, is an amazing shop in Tokyo, combining traditional European skills with Japanese styling.
• 6-12-4 Roppongi, Tokyo, 00 81 35 77 20075; lcdh.jp
18. Oriol Balaguer
We love Oriol Balaguer's cocoa-pod shaped chocolates. He spent several years working for Ferran Adrià at elBulli.
• Boutique BCN, 2 Pl Sant Gregori Taumaturg, Barcelona, 00 34 932 011 846; oriolbalaguer.com; also available in the UK at L'Artisan du Chocolat, 89 Lower Sloane St, London SW1, 020 7824 8365; artisanduchocolat.com
We also rate Pierre Hermé, who is more famous as a pastry chef than for his chocolate, but he is one of the few people who manages to be very good in many areas. pierreherme.com
Expert Sara Jayne-Stanes
Founder of the Academy of Chocolate, and author of Chocolate: The Definitive Guide, recommends
19. Tessieris at Amedei
The brother and sister team of Alessio and Cecilia Tessieri in Pisa make arguably the world's finest chocolate and couvertures using the best cocoa beans from South America and the Caribbean. For three years running Amedei has won the Golden Bean award for best chocolate in the Academy of Chocolate Awards.
• Via San Gervasio, 29 La Rotta (Pontedera), Pisa, 00 39 05 87 48 48 49; www.amedei.com; also available in the UK at Fortnum & Mason, Harvey Nichols and seventypercent.com
20. Chantal Coady, Rococo
Chantal Coady was given the Lifetime Award by the Academy of Chocolate this year for changing the way people think about chocolate. It is the quality and design that has made her brand so recognisable and exclusive.
• 321 King's Road, London SW3, 020 7352 5857; rococochocolates.com
21. La Maison du Chocolat
Founder Robert Linxe is one of my chocolate heroes and, since the Seventies, has almost singlehandedly reminded the French why they like good, sophisticated chocolate. There are now several Maison du Chocolat shops around the world, as well as the first in Paris. Despite the global expansion, the quality of the product remains true to the original concept.
• 19 Rue Sèvres, Paris, 00 33 1 45 44 20 4041; 45-46 Piccadilly, London SW1, 020 7287 8500; lamaisonduchocolat.com
22. Sir Hans Sloane
Master chocolatier Bill McCarrick, a comparative newcomer, makes excellent chocolate with care and passion.
• Tradecity, Unit 6, Avro Way, Brooklands, Surrey, 01932 356008; sirhanssloane.com; also at Liberty, Selfridges and General Trading Company
23. Gerard Coleman, L'Artisan du Chocolat
Gerard Coleman is a true chocolate artiste, and has helped build London's reputation in the chocolate world.
• 89 Lower Sloane Street, London SW1, 020 7824 8365; www.artisanduchocolat.com
Also, Jean-Paul Hévin is the design, style and taste guru of the French chocolate world. www.jphevin.com
And William Curley - together with his wife Suzue - use only the best raw ingredients. They experiment with flavours, allowing the chocolate to speak for itself. williamcurley.co.uk
Expert: Paul A Young
The award-winning chocolatier recommends
24. Gorvett & Stone
Gorvett & Stone in Oxfordshire are ones to watch - pure ingredients, and good couverture from Valrhona.
• 28 Duke Street, Henley-on-Thames, 01491 414485; gorvettandstone.co.uk
25. Marc Demarquette
I like the way Marc is influenced by seasonal flavours and British ingredients, and takes inspiration from around the world.
• 285 Fulham Road, London SW10, 020 7351 5467; demarquette.com
26. Ladurée
I love Ladurée, a pretty patisserie and chocolate shop with wonderful macaroons and stunning chocolates. Ladurée has branches all around the world.
• Ladurée at Harrods, Brompton Road, SW1, 020 3155 0111, and 71-72 Burlington Arcade, London W1; laduree.fr
Expert: Claire Burnet
The co-founder of the tiny shop Chococo, in Swanage, Dorset (01929 421777, chococo.co.uk) recommends
27. Enric Rovira
Enric is a conceptual chocolate artist based in Barcelona, and does amazing things such as chocolate planets.

Chocolate: UK

Blackburne & HaynesMeadow Cottage Farm, Churt Road, Headley, Bordon, Hampshire GU35 8SS, 01428 712155This family-run business uses milk from the farm's pedigree cows to make award-winning farmhouse ice cream and fruit sorbets. More than 16 flavours, including vanilla and stem ginger, apricot and mango, maple and pecan, and a sucrose-free vanilla variety which is suitable for diabetics (plus the odd large specially made order for lavender and rose petal ice cream), sold in the farm shop.
The Booja-Booja CompanyBrooke, Norfolk NR15 1HJ, 01508 558888boojabooja.comWinner of 28 awards, including Best Organic Product 2007 for its newly launched Stuff in a Tub ice cream, the Booja-Booja company and its 100% organic chocolate and ice cream is going from strength to strength. The range of delicacies (with some wheat-, dairy- or gluten-free varieties) includes cognac-flambéd banana truffles and Keep Smiling Vanilla M'Gorilla ice cream.Organic/Mail order
Calbourne ClassicsThree Gates Farm, Shalfleet, Newport, Isle of Wight PO30 4NA, 07050 688204calbourneclassics.co.ukUsing milk from its award-winning dairy herd, Calbourne Classics produces luxurious clotted cream ice cream in flavours like honeycomb, strawberry and mint chocolate, as well as its scrumptious-sounding, award-winning ginger nut cheesecake and raspberry meringue roulade. Available at farmers' markets and via deliveries in Hampshire and the Isle of Wight.
ChoCaidchocaid.comA unique online gourmet chocolate gift shop that helps fight world hunger. Customers choose from a selection of Swiss-made organic, Fairtrade chocolate including chocolate orange truffles, chocolate dippers, globes and slabs, with a donation to Save the Children included in the price tag. Also available at John Lewis and Tesco stores. Organic/Mail order
The Chocolate AlchemistUnit 1 & 2, Langham Stables, Lodsworth, West Sussex GU28 9BU, 01798 860995thechocolatealchemist.co.ukThe Chocolate Alchemist is a tiny organic chocolatier using cocoa beans from the Dominican Republican whose products include sun-dried organic mango smothered in dark chocolate and nutmeg, and drinking chocolates infused with spices such as chilli and cardamom. Latest innovations have included fruit bars encased with lime and raspberry pieces and beautifully sculpted stars with peppermint fondant, champagne and peanut butter fillings. Mail order"The Chocolate Alchemist makes the finest hand-made organic chocolate products, manufactured with love and stylishly packaged. Our aim is to move chocolate into the 21st century incorporating the environmentally friendly ideals of today."
Chocolate Craft La Chocolaterie, Unit 1b, Upton Park Farm, Alresford, Hampshire SO24 9EB, 01962 732731chocolatecraft.co.ukOffering a unique fusion of taste and style, this award-winning chocolatier in the heart of Hampshire produces hand-rolled truffles in vibrant stripy pink boxes. The watercress and lime truffle is a current favourite; made with Belgian couverture, Hampshire cream, locally grown watercress and essential lime oil, is has a distinct peppery flavour. You can even learn how to do it yourself at one of their chocolate-making courses. Mail order
The Chocolate Society0845 230 8868, chocolate.co.ukShops at: 36 Elizabeth Street, London SW1W 9NZ, 020-7259 922232-34 Shepherd Market, London W1J 7QN, 020-7495 0302Run by chocolate purists, the Chocolate Society was invented to satisfy the needs of all bona fide chocoholics. Home-made thick chocolate brownies are very popular, sold beside fresh champagne, raspberry and dark chocolate truffles. Valrhona, one of the finest and most expensive chocolate brands in the world, is used to produce a sumptuous array of hand-made chocolates and high cocoa content bars (including those from single-origin cocoa plantations such as Venezuela and Madagascar). Both shops have small cafes, so you while away the time by sampling their heavenly hot chocolate made with 40g of pure chocolate. Mail order
Chocolate Trading CompanyThe Old Stables, Chorley Hall Lane, Alderley Edge, Cheshire SK9 7EU, 01625 592808chocolatetradingco.comThe largest online chocolate shop in the UK: popular options include 70% chocolate squares made from cocoa beans from Chuao in Venezuela, and the long-established British chocolate company Charbonnel et Walker. Dietary options include chocs made free of sugar, wheat, gluten, soya lecithin, or dairy. Mail order
Cocoa Locococoaloco.co.uk01403 713130This green-minded online chocolatier produces delicious organic goodies complete with recyclable packaging. Hand-made organic chilli brownies are a real speciality - made with Peruvian hot chilli paste, they are good served warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Hand-made white chocolate coconut truffles are melt-in-the-mouth, not forgetting the dark chocolate-covered organic crystallised ginger. Look online for the full range of hand-made chocolate and gift boxes. Free delivery. Organic/Mail order
Coco Chocolate 174 Bruntsfield Place, Bruntsfield, Edinburgh EH10 4ER, 0131 228 4526cocochocolate.co.ukSpecialists in fine organic chocolate, Coco was founded by members of the very particular Chocolate Society. Delicacies include a rose and black pepper-infused chocolate bar, white chocolate and lemongrass hot chocolate, and cognac-soaked raisins dipped in almond paste and enrobed in chocolate. Goods come with a range of delicate designs hand-drawn by local artists. Coco runs chocolate schools, and has tasting evenings where rare, single-origin chocolates are sampled accompanied by a glass of Banyuls dessert wine. It's all aimed at serious connoisseurs.
The Country Fudge CompanyNewhouse Farm, Wormbridge, Herefordshire HR2 9EA, 01981 570644countryfudge.comThe range includes orange and mango, banana and pecan, vanilla and cranberry, and chocolate chilli fudge with a warm but subtle aftertaste (Good Housekeeping Favourite New Product 2007, runner-up). Many of the current inventions have risen out of public requests - the popular lavender fudge made for a nearby lavender farm, for example, or the moccachino fudge produced for restaurants. Mail order
Cream O'Galloway Dairy CoRainton, Gatehouse of Fleet, Castle Douglas, Dumfries & Galloway DG7 2DR, 01557 814040creamogalloway.co.ukA delicious range of fully organic ice cream and frozen yoghurt using some Fairtrade ingredients such as sugar, cocoa beans and vanilla pods are home-made at Rainton Farm with milk from the farm's dairy herds. Flavours include honey and ginger fruit frozen yoghurt and cappuchino ice cream. Buy direct from their Rainton shop. Organic
Delvaux Coronation House, Gogmore Lane, Chertsey, Surrey KT16 9AP, 01932 571180, 0800 371428delvaux.co.ukOrganic chocolate luxury Belgian truffles are available with flavours such as passion fruit, Baileys, cherry marnier and champagne. Orders can be placed by phone or via the website. Organic
The Devonshire Chocolate Co9 Lacy Road, Preston, Paignton, Devon TQ3 1BU, 01803 665454This unique family-run chocolate shop uses its own back garden to grow produce for chocolate flavouring. Home-grown ingredients such as rose pettles, quince, lavender, blueberries, chilli and lime are blended with fine quality Belgian couverture, producing a natural and fully traceable variety of chocolate. Hand-made delicacies include chocolate bars, praline, a selection of hand-sculpted shapes and truffles made using a recipe that dates back to 1831.
Divine Chocolate4 Gainsford Street, London SE1 2NE, 020 7378 6550divinechocolate.comA pioneering model in the world of fair trading, Divine Chocolate was set up in 1998 by Kuapa Kokoo, a Ghanaian farmers' cooperative. The chocolate is 100% certified Fairtrade and made with pure cocoa butter and real vanilla ensuring a "truly divine" taste. Drinking chocolate and cocoa is sold beside dried mangoes enrobed in dark chocolate and 12 varieties of bar, with dark chocolate fruit and nut a recent addition. You can purchase products at many UK store and major supermarkets or buy online.
Granny Gothard's Ice CreamThe Old Dairy, Slough Court, Stoke St Gregory, Taunton, Somerset, 01823 491591Dairy farmers Anthony Gothard and Natasha Ellis are aiming for a "Somerset taste sensation" with their new brand of ice creams and sorbets launched 18 months ago. Home-made using milk from the farm's friesian herd, the ice cream is flavoured with local ingredients where possible, to cut food miles: flavours include Sedgemoor honey, lavender blossom, Somerset strawberry and cider apple as well as cider brandy. Buy at the farm itself or in local shops, hotels and restaurants.
Green & Blacks2 Valentine Place, London SE1 8QH, 020-7633 5900greenandblacks.comFor most people Green & Blacks is the brand name for organic chocolate; set up in 1990, its produce can now be found everywhere and includes a huge range of organic chocolate, ice cream, powdered drinking chocolate and chocolate spread. Sourcing from plantations in Belize and Dominican Republic, the company has built up a reputation for good ethical practice, though Maya Gold remains its only Fairtrade-certified brand of chocolate. This autumn will see the launch of an after-dinner collection and an assortment of different flavoured and textured classic truffles. Organic
Jude's Ice CreamThe Farmyard, Easton, Winchester, Hampshire SO21 1EQ, 01962 779878judes.co.ukJude's "ice cream with soul" strives for a positive impact on the community, choosing local suppliers to reduce food miles and donating 10% of its annual profits to charity. It uses milk from Hampshire cows and flavours include Ginger Spice, flavoured with crystallised stem ginger, or Chunky Choc, with real pieces of Belgian chocolate. Seasonal specials include Peach and Champagne Sorbet and a Winter Warmer made with Christmas pudding. Local delivery.
Kennedys Fine Chocolates Ltd The Old School, Orton, Penrith, Cumbria CA10 3RU, 015396 24781kennedyschocolates.co.ukEstablished in 1991, Kennedys produces fine quality hand-made chocolates from its small factory based in the village of Orton, Cumbria. Using fine quality Belgian couverture and local ingredients where possible, delicacies include passion fruit and Galliano heart shapes, white chocolate whisky and ginger truffles, and dark chocolate-enrobed ginger pieces. Visitors to the shop can watch the chocolatiers at work or drop by the coffee shop to sample divine chocolate cake served warm with home-made vanilla ice cream.
Les Chocolats Belges45 The Thoroughfare, Woodbridge, Suffolk IP12 1AH, 01394 386302chocolatsbelges.comChocolate-dipped cerisettes, strawberry and pink champagne truffles and other luxury Belgian chocolates are individually selected and beautifully presented. Luxurious chocolate brands are available here include Montezuma's organic chocolate bars, Fairtrade Divine bars sourced from cocoa growers in Ghana, and Charbonnel et Walker's original drinking chocolate made from pure grated flakes. Any combination of these and more can be ordered in the shop or online, exquisitely gift wrapped with flowers and ribbons and delivered on a worldwide basis. Mail order
Lola's on Icelolasonice.comalotofchocolate.co.ukFantastic online selection of organic, special diet and Fairtrade chocolate with dairy-free milk and white chocolate bars featuring as a bestseller. The company makes its own luxury range of organic chocolate including hand-made truffles (the dark chocolate chilli flavour is a favourite), organic drinking chocolate and chocolate fountain liquids. Booja Booja, Montezuma's, Divine Chocolate and other high-quality UK brands are also available. Offers corporate gifts, wedding chocolate and an international delivery service. Mail order
Montezuma Chocolates12 Peascod Street, Windsor SL4 1DU, 01753 621 947100 Northbrook Street, Newbury RG14 1AA, 01635 3176415 Duke Street, Brighton BN1 1AH, 01273 324 97929 East Street, Chichester PO19 1HS, 01243 53738551 Brushfield Street, London E1 6AA, 020-7539 920841 High Street, Winchester SO23 9BL, 01962 840 96147 Bore Street, Lichfield, Staffs WS13 6NB, 01543 251233Set up in 2000 by ex-lawyers turned chocolate entrepeneurs, Montezuma is famed for its ingenious range of carefully sourced chocolate. Around 40 types of truffle are custom-made to "Monty's way", using a mixture of butter and cream ganache and blends of organic chocolate within a crisp outer shell. Experimental inventions include air-dried mango strips dipped in white chocolate, lime and chilli. All chocolate is made using organic cocoa beans and there is also a vegan range of truffles available. Mail order
Morwick FarmAcklington, Morpeth, Northumberland NE65 9DG, 01665 711210royaldouble.comAiming to recreate the true experience of farmhouse dairy ice cream, Morwick Farm's Royal Double range is made using fresh full-cream milk (from their award-winning herd of dairy cows), blended with cream, sugar and fresh ingredients. Inspired by Italian recipes, a range of more than 30 flavours of ice cream include honeycomb, blackcurrant, mango yoghurt and turkish delight.
Paul A Young Fine Chocolates33 Camden Passage, London N1 8EA, 020-7424 5750payoung.netFilled with the aroma of melted chocolate, the shop offers free tasters for all its fine hand-made chocolate, which you can watch being made at the back of the shop. The owner is a chocolate purist, insisting that ingredients are stripped down to a fine minimum - Valrhona and Amadei couverture with sugar and seasonal flavouring. Award-winning hand-made truffles are sold beside gooey, dark chocolate brownies, home-made ice cream, hot chocolate and exotic concoctions such as the Roasted Pepper Masala bar. Winner of the Best New Chocolate Shop 2007 (Academy of Chocolate Awards) with a second shop to open shortly. Weekly tastings and workshops available.
Plamil FoodsFolkestone, Kent CT19 6PQ, 01303 850588plamilfoods.co.ukPlamil Foods specialises in chocolate suitable for vegans, including a range of non-dairy, soya-free and organic bars: try the hazelnut carob bar or the smooth, rich orange-flavoured organic chocolate spread or the organic mint chocolate, made with 60% cocoa and organic mint oil. Mail order
Primrose Cafe Ice Cream1 Boyces Avenue, Clifton, Bristol BS8 4AA, 0117 9466577primrosecafe.co.ukIce creams, sorbets and frozen yoghurts, hand-made on the premises using fresh, local ingredients and organic milk from Manor Farm in Dorset, with the most wonderful flavours: caramel and maple fudge, lemon cheesecake and chocolate and chilli. All products sold on site from the cafe.
Rococo Chocolates321 King's Road, London SW3 5EP, 020-7352 585745 Marylebone High Street, London W1U 5HG, 020-7935 7780rococochocolates.comRococo's owner Chantal Choady began a revolution in 1983, transforming her love of chocolate into an exquisite art form. Who could resist the fresh cream cardomom and saffron truffles coated in white chocolate, or some traditional English lavender and geranium fondants? The list of original delicacies on offer here seems never-ending and is topped off by Rococo's chic-as-hell hallmark packaging. Sugar-free, vegan and organic options available.
Roskilly's of Cornwall Tregallast Barton, St Keverne, Helston, Cornwall TR12 6NX, 01326 280479roskillys.co.ukStem ginger fudge, redcurrant sorbet, frozen gooseberry yoghurt and homemade mascarpone and orange ice-cream are just a few of the delicacies on offer at Roskilly's. The mostly organic range is home-made using milk and cream from the farm's organic Jersey cows. Spring water from the farm is also used in the sorbets and frozen yoghurts. Ice cream can be custom-made and the farm offers free visits and tastings."Cornish organics made from the richest jersey milk. Products include organic and farmhouse ice cream, organic fudge, whole and semi-skimmed organic jersey milk, organic pro-biotic yoghurt and organic conserves."
September Organic Dairy Unit 5, Whitehill Park, Weobley, Herefordshire HR4 8QE, 01544 312910september-organic.co.ukHighest quality organic milk and free-range eggs are blended with thick organic cream and local organic ingredients to produce a wonderful variety of home-made ice-cream. The brown bread flavour is a favourite, fusing brown sugar and breadcrumbs for a unique caramel aftertaste. Ginger and honey ice cream is another delicacy, sold beside smooth elderflower cream with a hint of lemon, and butterscotch crunch with golden nuggets of real butterscotch. Ice cream can be purchased by mail order of via a range of UK retailers. Organic/Mail order
Slattery's Patissier and Chocolatier197 Bury New Road, Whitefield, Manchester M45 6GE, 0161-767 9303slattery.co.ukSet up in 1967, this family-run enterprise hand-makes its luxurious and imaginative range of truffles, bars and figurines on the premises using Belgian couverture. Available are custom-made wedding cakes and such goodies as strawberry and champagne mousse, Baileys after-dinner dessert and a collection of mini eclairs, choux balls and meringues. You could even take a course on chocolate, sugar modeling or cake making. Mail order worldwide"Much more than just a cake shop! The "naughty-but-oh-so-nice" food emporium in Whitefield is truly one of a kind and attracts visitors from far and wide."
S Luca of Musselburgh32-38 High Street, Musselburgh EH21 7AG, 0131-665 223716 Morningside Road, Edinburgh EH10 4DB, 0131-446 0233lucasicecream.co.ukEstablished in 1908, this family-run ice cream company, suppliers to Harvey Nichols, is in its third generation of owners. Ice cream is freshly made on the premises every day and a 1923-model Rolls Royce ice cream van attends events across the Lothians. Flavours can be custom-made to order, with more unusual requests including bloody mary, chocolate and chilli, gin and tonic and even tomato and basil. A mouth-watering array of home-made strawberry, vanilla and chocolate ice cream cakes are also available, although the bestseller remains - what else - the classic vanilla cone.
Theobroma Cacao43 Turnham Green Terrace, London W4 1RG, 020-8996 0431theobroma-cacao.co.ukMini shards of dark chocolate blended with geranium oil and finished with crystallised violets; rosemary and bergamot-flavoured chocolate bars, made with 75% chocolate; a large rose-painted stiletto shoe and a gold theatrical mask made entirely of chocolate - Theobroma translates as "food of the gods" and this is precisely what they're aiming to create. There are also chilli chocolate sticks made with sweet red Mexican chillis as well as body massage bars with lemongrass and ylang ylang - not for eating! Mail order
The Toffee Shop7 Brunswick Road, Penrith, Cumbria CA11 7LU, 01768 862008thetoffeeshop.co.ukRunning since 1910, the Toffee Shop says proudly that people come from all over the world to taste their mouth-watering fudge and toffee, which has been made to the same recipe for the past 90 years. Everything is additive-free and hand-made on the premises - step into the shop and you are overwhelmed by the rich, sweet aroma of melting butter and boiling sugar. Flavours include butter fudge and mint toffee. Mail order
Trenance ChocolateMullion Meadows, Mullion, Nr Helston TR12 7HB, 01326 241499trenancechocolate.co.ukPart of Taste of the West and the Made in Cornwall scheme, Trenance Chocolate offers a luxury assortment of chocolate hand-made using natural ingredients where possible. Belgian couverture is tempered and moulded to make chocolate shapes such as dinosaurs and butterflies, as well as sumptuous hand-rolled truffles, including a Williams pear variety. Rose-scented turkish delight, hand-dipped pink marshmallows and cranberry and brazil nut bars are also available, alongside fudge and shortbread handmade from Rodda's Cornish clotted cream. Go to the shop and see the chocolate being made or order online.
The Velvet Bean ChocolatesChurch Lane, Ledbury, Herefordshire HR8 1DH, 01531 634744Constantly changing the range of hand-made produce, delicacies include chilli and tequila cocoa-dusted truffles, traditional English rose and violet fondant creams, and fresh cream truffles with whisky and ginger. They are also famed for their delicious hand-sculpted figurines, which cover everything from animals and stiletto shoes to erotic novelties.

Thirty steps to chocolate heaven

It's all elbows on the Paris Metro in rush hour and then Chloé Doutre-Roussel whips out a small pink tin. "Time for a chocolate," she says, offering up an alluring heap of dark jewels. Obsessive author and roving chocolate consultant Doutre-Roussel is never caught short. Every month or so, she trundles her suitcase to a local chocolatier and purchases 12kgs of high-grade chocolate, for her own personal use.
There was a touch of Charlie Bucket plucking a golden ticket from a Wonka bar about Doutre-Roussel beating 3,000 people to the ultimate fantasy job in 2003: chocolate buyer at Fortnum & Mason in Piccadilly. For a woman who had had an "almost religious" passion for chocolate ever since she was a child, it must have felt like fate.
Her father was a diplomat and Doutre-Roussel, who is now 40, spent her early years in Mexico, Bolivia and Chile under Pinochet. Her home was packed with political refugees. "My childhood was very intense, very real life," she says. "In our house the children had much less importance than the people we were trying to help. It was a childhood without much mother love."
She looked for comfort in chocolate, but in South America she could get only Nutella and meagre rations of Lindt when family or friends visited Europe. Once, she remembers watching her mother at Mexican customs smearing Nutella all over her face. Bringing in food was banned so she pretended it was face cream. "Chocolate was precious. It was venerated at home. It was the most difficult thing to find and we were all very fond of sweets."
Overwhelmed by the variety of chocolate available when she moved to Europe at 13, she began cataloguing every brand she bought with her pocket money "so I would get the best ratio of pleasure to money". She ate them alone, when she first woke up, often at 5am. "Because I tasted them on a virgin palate in the morning, totally aware of the pleasure it was giving me, it was an intense relationship with chocolate. It was intimate."
At school she would blind-taste chocolate as a game with friends; she always guessed right. It was a skill that served her well several years later in Paris, when she had to blind-test 10 chocolates in an interview by Pierre Hermé, a chocolatier and cake maker dubbed "the Picasso of pastry". He gave her a job - her first in the chocolate industry after stints in the UN and as an agronomist - on the spot. When she tasted chocolate made by chocolatiers such as Valrhona or Domori, it was "a slap", she says, "a point of no return". Now she'd rather go hungry than munch mass-market bars.
After three years at Fortnum & Mason, she returned to Paris last year, frustrated by Britain's baffling love affair with "chocolate creams", those luxury chocolates with soft sugary centres that are, as she puts it, an acquired taste "like Marmite". One of the few women at the top of the chocolatier profession, she will launch her own range of "Chloé chocolates" later this year.
Exactly 160 years after the invention of the chocolate bar, Doutre-Roussel believes we're experiencing a second chocolate revolution. While she is scathing about disingenuous "luxury" marketing and adventurous flavours (according to her there is no place for sea salt, cardamom or chillies with chocolate), she's hopeful that consumers are arming themselves with a new knowledge of cocoa beans and demanding better, boutique chocolate.
"If you look at what happened to cheese or coffee or olive oil, there was a revolution. People went from having no bottles of olive oil to having 10. At the end of this big chocolate revolution I'm sure the consumer will have more than just a bar of Lindt or Green & Blacks at home. This will be positive."
Doutre-Roussel sips water while I scoff lunch. Hers was chocolate. Every interview with her notes the apparent discord between Doutre-Roussel's 300g-a-day habit and her petite figure and immaculate skin. She swims for one hour every morning and eats lightly. "If I have a normal meal it will take three or four hours before I am hungry for a chocolate and that is a sacrifice I'm not prepared to make," she says.
However, she does not have a sweet tooth. Really. She'll ignore chocolate deserts - "a delusion version of chocolate", she says - and has no time for cake - "a day doesn't go by without my mother baking a cake". Unfortunately, she says, what most people take for chocolate is a confection of sugar, artificial vanilla flavourings and milk powder. There is chocolate and there are chocolates. "Chocolate is a chocolate bar and the rest is confectionery," she says. "It's the difference between an apple and an apple pie."
It may not surprise you to learn that she gives British chocolate short shrift. How can it be remotely sophisticated in a country where "national dishes are a mix of leftovers, like pies"? With equally delicious frankness, Doutre-Roussel challenges a few other comfortable assumptions about chocolate. As a Guardian reader you might comfort yourself with a nice slab of fair trade organic chocolate. Or perhaps you're a chocolate connoisseur who only buys 70% cocoa chocolate made in Belgium or Switzerland
Well. Doutre-Roussel takes a deep breath. Fair trade is not all it's cracked up to be, often making cocoa-growing villages dependent on one manufacturer when the fair trade market may prove as capricious as any other.
And some cocoa growers obtain organic status simply by purchasing a certificate that says "organic", and anyway, organic chocolate is "quite poor - badly farmed and badly dried".
Belgian chocolate is worse: "Almost impossible to find something acceptable to the palette." Swiss milk chocolate tastes nice not because of the chocolate but because their milk. And the 70% cocoa figure that is taken as a stamp of ultimate quality is arbitrary. Good chocolatiers should experiment with different proportions to bring out different flavours.
But if this makes you feel uneasy nibbling what was once a relatively guilt-free organic bar, don't. Doutre-Roussel would like us to cast off our irrational blending of chocolate with guilt. She would also like us to abandon our habit of teaming chocolate with alcohol and coffee ("the chocolate is not respected"), while chocolates and cigars are a no-no as well.
Doutre-Roussel does not enjoy smoky places, and shuns all members of the onion family because of the effect on her taste. The chlorine in her swimming pool is bad enough but sometimes she has to change lanes because swimmers near her are sweating out garlic smells.
Her passion for chocolate, which so often marketed as a food of love, is rather isolating. But she insists she shares an enjoyment of chocolate with friends who, mercifully, can see beyond her obsession. And while she'd like a partner who understands her relationship with chocolate she would rather have someone who can, at times, take her away from it. "I'm not alone and I'm not lonely," she says. "With chocolate you cannot be lonely."
There is a touch of missionary zeal about Doutre-Roussel's desire to improve the public's "intimacy" with chocolate but it is very sweet. "Chocolate is a pleasure we can all add to our life," she says just before she disappears into the crush of the Metro, tiny pink tin of chocolates clasped in her hand. "Chocolate is a little treasure we can all carry in this very hard and long journey that is life."
The thirty steps to connoisseurship
The vast majority of people will only ever have one or two types of chocolate at home, and they will probably have been buying the same brands for years. I don't blame them: why deviate from a reliable, affordable, if often poor quality, source of pleasure?
But what many don't realise is that chocolate is like music - there is an enormous range of pleasures out there. And as with music, it is possible to explore, to "listen" to chocolate, to find out what suits you best, and to keep enough at home to suit any mood of the day. I appreciate that not everyone will want to do this, but I personally have 100 bars in my chocolate cellar. Often I may not enjoy them enough to finish them, but they're useful when it comes to comparing notes. I also keep a database on my computer, but the fact is that when I taste a bar I am concentrating so deeply that everything I need to know remains in my memory for years.
Becoming a connoisseur requires discipline, dedication, and an open and adventurous mind. It is totally unrelated to the number of chocolates you eat, or even the number of chocolates you taste "properly". Rather, it should be a joyful process in which you learn to listen to what your senses tell you.
Shopping for chocolate
Connoisseurship begins with buying bars. Whether you do this from supermarkets, delicatessens, department stores or specialised websites, the tricks below will guide you. Chocolate is about pleasure, so do not hesitate to buy brands you already know and enjoy. Add a new brand or two each week and begin to explore the wild world of chocolate.
1 Go for plain, dark or milk. Chocolates with flavourings or fillings or decorations taste mainly like whatever flavouring or filling or decoration has been used and will teach you nothing.
2 Be ready to spend a little more than on your usual bar. As with wine, cheese or olive oil, fine products are more expensive. Expensive doesn't mean good, but good is seldom inexpensive.
3 A tasting will enlighten you only if you compare similar products. So, for instance, taste 2-4 bars of plain dark chocolate from Venezuela or, even more acutely, from one region of Venezuela, such as Sur del Lago. Compare dark and milk chocolate only if they're made by the same brand with the same beans (Mangaro milk and dark from Michel Cluizel, for instance). Or bars made through similar processes - those begun from the bean, from cocoa liquor, from melting bulk chocolate; www.seventypercent.com is a good place to go for more advice.
4 Ethical values. You are exploring the world of chocolate (taste, texture, style), not trying to save the world. Organic/fair trade chocolate is only a very small part of chocolates you can explore.
5 Healthy chocolate. All chocolate made from the basic ingredients - cocoa beans, sugar, cocoa butter, lecithin, and natural vanilla - is healthy if eaten in moderation.
6 Check sell-by dates and the temperature of the store. You can never be entirely sure, but you can reduce the risk of buying stale chocolate, or chocolate that has suffered from variations in temperature, by not buying in a shop kept at more than 23C.
Chocolate myths
7 The higher the percentage, the better the chocolate. For the connoisseur, selecting chocolate by the percentage of cocoa in it is as irrelevant as selecting a wine by alcohol percentage. All it gives you is the level of sweetness. People talk a lot about single estate chocolate, but this is also misleading, just as the fact that a wine is from the Bordeaux region is no guarantee that it will be any good.
8 The higher the price the better the chocolate. Bright marketing will fool you and sell you poor quality chocolate wrapped in luxurious packaging at an impressive price. There is only one way to know what you've got: taste it.
9 The best chocolate is made from fine beans. Well, yes, this is true, but not all brands work from the bean. Around 99% of the chocolate bars around began as bulk chocolate that was then marketed as different brands. There is no shame in melting down bulk material as long as you choose fine ingredients and the packaging and/or blend is a special experience for the consumer, and of course the price reflects the actual quality.
10 That there is such a thing as the best chocolate in the world. We all have different taste buds, opinions, pasts and moods. When you analyse, you are not giving an opinion, you are analysing. Anybody can detect the difference between poor quality and a fine chocolate, but once within the acceptable quality range, we all have preferences.
11 Cru, grand cru, criollo, arriba. The use of any of these words in packaging should ring an internal alarm, whatever the brand, as there is no institution (yet) that sets nor monitors such standards.
Words you need to understand
12 Beans. The seed of a fruit called the cocoa pod and the main ingredient in chocolate. The trees grow only in areas that are always warm and humid.
13 Liquor/cacao mass. Beans roasted, peeled and ground become a thick dark mass. The liquor is slightly acidic and astringent, and the aromas are still not at their full potential. They require further processing.
14 Couverture/bulk chocolate. Couverture" is the same as "bulk chocolate" but adjusted to a lower viscosity than that sold specifically for making bars.
15 Criollo. A variety of cacao tree that has almost disappeared. It is impossible at the moment to isolate enough to make a chocolate bar. Any mention of Criollo on packaging or promotional material should be translated into Trinitario. Even blue chip companies (ab)use these word.
16 Trinitario. A hybrid between the forastero and criollo, this has the production and disease resistance of the Forastero and much of the fine flavour of the Criollo, making it a commercial favourite. It grows in the Americas, Madagascar and Indonesia.
17 Forastero. These trees produce cacao beans with rustic and flat aromas. Africa provides more than 80% of the world's cacao beans and all of it is forastero.
18 White chocolate. It is not legally chocolate in the world of chocolate connoisseurs. It is confectionery.
19 Blue chip brands. These are the classics every connoisseur needs to know and must to be able to recognise "blind". They all work from the bean and employ staff who hunt for a regular, quality supply. In alphabetical order, the brands are: Amedei, Bonnat, Domori, Felchlin, Michel Cluizel, Pralus, Scharffen Berger, and Valrhona. There are many new brands working from the beans all over the world, mainly in the US and Italy, and all are worth trying at least once: De Vries, Coppeneur, Theo Chocolates, Amano are good examples. You will most likely have to purchase them online.
20 Tasting. Tasting is not eating. Tasting requires that you are in state where your mind and body are alert, sharp and ready to listen to the subtleties of the chocolate.
Tasting
To taste you need to engage all five senses. It might seem obvious, but don't do it after smoking or eating a big meal, or when you're tired or stressed.
21 Use your eyes. Look at the piece of chocolate you are about to taste, evaluating its texture before you put it in your mouth. The surface should be smooth and shiny, indicating that the cocoa butter is properly crystallised (tempered). Do not be swayed by colour. The shade is influenced by many factors, such as bean type and roasting time as well as milk content.
22 Touch it. Is it sticky, grainy, sandy or velvety? Crisp or crunchy? A floury texture suggests cocoa powder has been added, a sign of poor quality chocolate. A clayey feel in the mouth tells you there are probably many particles of too small a size (the ideal is 16/18 microns) or that the proportion of cocoa butter added is high. The ideal texture is the one that melts smoothly.
23 Listen to it. Did it break easily? Neatly? Drily? A chocolate that snaps without too much effort is a sign that the balance between cocoa and butter is right. Dark chocolate snaps more easily than milk because, unlike milk chocolate, it contains no milk powder.
24 Smell it. Taste is 90% smell. It takes practice to describe a chocolate's "nose", but we do so by relating aromas to those in our past experience. The problem is that we are so bombarded by artificial smells that we have lost our database of natural scents. Sadly, when a lot of people smell a fine chocolate for the first time, they do not recognise it as chocolate, because for them, chocolate should smell of sugar and vanilla. Fine chocolate, just like wine, can be described by referring to natural products around us - fruit, flowers, woodlands or spice. A chocolate that smells smoky may have been carelessly dried. One that smells mouldy has been damaged in storage. You can build up your database of smells by using your nose whenever you can. Experience the scents of wet weather. If you're in the woods, smell the soil and the leaves. When you go to the market, take a sniff of each basket of mushrooms, herbs, fruit and flowers. Do all this and you will rediscover the potential of your sense of smell. We all have the ability, but many of us have forgotten it.
25 Taste it. When tasting a new chocolate, try just a small, fingernail-sized piece. Put it on your tongue and chew for a few seconds to break it into smaller chunks. Then stop and allow it to melt so that all flavours are released. Make sure the chocolate is spread all around your mouth - this way you'll taste the flavours most intensely.
Flavours
When you start tasting truly good chocolate, you will find that its flavour can linger for many minutes. This is the best incentive I can think of to invest in an expensive bar. It may cost three times as much as your usual bar, but the pleasure you'll get from it is intense and long. Fine chocolate has harmonious tastes - you'll need to concentrate to sense their presence. Look out in particular for bitterness, acidity and astringency. The first two are welcome, but astringency is a bad sign, often found in poor quality chocolate, and indicates poor fermentation.
26 Sweetness. My simple rule is this: if you notice the sugar, there is too much of it in the bar. Excess sugar is used to disguise poor quality or uninteresting beans, covering up the burnt, metallic or mouldy flavours you might otherwise taste. Sugar is needed to reveal aromas, however; cocoa butter has the same effect. To make a fine chocolate, brands need to find the optimal level of sugar that reveals the aromatic palette of the beans used at their best.
27 Bitterness, sourness and acidity. When I introduce novices to real chocolate, many use the word "bitter" to describe it. It's the same word that often springs to people's lips when tasting tea or coffee. It is their way of qualifying a new, more intense taste, but nine times out of 10, it is not the most accurate word. Poor quality chocolate may be astringent or acidic. True bitterness is felt in the middle at the back of the tongue. Test it in foods like chicory or grapefruit. Guanaja from Valrhona is rather bitter, but a mild and elegant way. With some training, you'll even detect chocolates that begin with one flavour (sweetness, for instance) and evolve to another (say, bitterness) with a hint of a third (salty) - like Lindt 99%.
28 Saltiness. Salt is not often added to chocolate but you can find it in some filled chocolates (it enhances the nuttiness in pralines) or in bars like Domori's Latte Sal or 99% Lindt. Here it would be used to reveal particular aromas from the beans or the nuts.
29 Describing aromas and flavours. The last part of tasting consists in finding the words to describe aromas and flavours you detect. This is hard as we are not used to associating a word with a taste sensation. I suggest you proceed as for a wine tasting: try to find associations with the world around you. The tasting wheel below will help. Try it - take a square of Valrhona's Manjari. Pop a small piece into your mouth and once the initial burst of acidity recedes, see if you can notice the clear red fruit notes. In the beginning, if you can at least identify "fruity", that is excellent. Later on, as your ability to identify flavours and aromas grows, you'll be able to fit more specific words to tastes. You can move from tasting Java from Pralus as "vegetable" to something more accurate, for instance, wood or a wet forest. Find words that sum up what you taste, not what you think you should taste. On a graph, you could draw up one curve for the "intensity" of the flavours, in their initial attack, in their development, and in their finish. You may taste "flowery" followed by "woody" and then "woody flirting with spicy".
30 Soon all these steps will become second nature. You won't have to think about it, you will just enjoy the delightful part of the journey - the excitement and desire, then the delightful, intense and sensual indulgence. And you can reproduce this experience as many times as you wish, for as many years as you wish.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Panic! Then I learned to be a father



Author Nick Duerden with his 3 year old daughter Amaya. David Mansell/David Mansell

Elena looks skittish, almost frisky. Odd. "I bought one," she says. "One what?" I ask. "A pregnancy testing kit." We've been trying for a baby for a year. Dreams dashed have become customary. I know she is not pregnant now, and I tell Elena she is being foolish, building up hopes unnecessarily when we both know precisely why she is experiencing these mood swings (PMT, clearly), but she just shrugs her shoulders and offers me a curious smile. She wants to do the test, but I keep stalling. Couldn't we wait, I ask, until morning?

She strides purposefully to the toilet, pees, flushes and comes back into the living room, the radioactive stick held tightly in her hand. She sits next to me on the sofa and asks if I am ready. The honest answer is that I have never felt less ready for anything in my life. She turns the stick around, a thumb covering the circular display.
"Now?" she says.
She slides her thumb away and we see the plus sign. It says everything to me in one powerful, tumbling instant, an approaching tsunami of total comprehension. At the same time, it means absolutely nothing.
"And?" I ask.
She is smiling a small, neat smile. "You're going to be a father," she says.
I am not proud of my reaction. It simply is what it is. If anything, I'm outside myself, merely a helpless onlooker. I place my head between my knees, as if in an aeroplane about to crash, and the room spins. A strong wave of nausea reaches my throat and I open my mouth, tongue exposed, to vomit. An empty wretch. I look up into Elena's lovely face, which is bright and hopeful, and I burst into howling tears.
"I was hoping for a better reaction," she says.
Nine months later, the mother of my child has her legs in stirrups, the hospital-issue gown cast carelessly about her thighs. There is blood on the floor and a masked doctor sits between her legs, halfway through another interminable shift, a needle and thread in hand, ready to stitch. I watch her yawn beneath her mask.
A midwife, another one (I've lost count how many by now), is leading me with encouraging words away from the hospital bed and towards the corner of the delivery room, where a contraption comprising a small tray and some heat-giving light sits, humming with electricity. In her hands she holds a baby - mine.
There is no sound coming from the baby, despite what I would have expected, if I had had the presence of mind to expect anything. The midwife places it on the warm tray and, her eyes drawing me in, begins to count the fingers of its hands. She counts them by placing each tiny digit between two of her own and registering them aloud, as if the exercise required considerable concentration, which perhaps it does. She repeats the process further south. Its feet have five toes, tiny, perfect and fully formed, complete with toenails that already need trimming with a pair of scissors we have yet to buy.
From the baby comes a noise: a sigh, a weary grunt. It is then placed into my hands and I'm told to take the six steps back towards my girlfriend, who lies dazed and expectant, but differently so now. She takes it from me and holds it against her breast. We look from one another to it, and back again.
"Happy?" asks one of the midwives. Truthfully? I have absolutely no idea. Nor will I for some considerable time.
It is a blazing April day when Elena leaves me fully alone with our daughter for the first time. She is going to a hen party in Dublin and will be gone 36 hours, promoting me to sole parent. She may have misgivings but, wisely, keeps them to herself. I'll be fine, she tells me. Of course I will. Amaya is 16 months old now, walking and almost talking, a daily wonder to me. Parenthood has finally become fun.
A soft, warm kiss to the cheek, redolent of toothpaste, wakes me at 7am on Saturday morning. Confident by now in my middling ability to look after our daughter without mishap, Elena nevertheless can't quite help herself, and tells me to remember to feed Amaya at regular intervals, to put a jacket on her if we go out, and not to neglect a nappy when it needs changing. She has left food in the fridge, she says, and there is lots of fruit in the fruit bowl. I'm to make sure she has plenty to drink. Amaya needs to sleep after lunch or else she gets grumpy. "I've left enough of her clothes out for you, washed and ironed," Elena says. "And don't forget to take extra nappies when you go out. And make sure you do go out. She needs air."
I make the appropriate affirmative noises, then drift back off into a pillowy sleep as the front door clicks shut quietly downstairs.
A quarter of an hour later comes the familiar staccato cry from Amaya's room. I bound out of bed with an enthusiasm that scarcely represents my usual morning self, cross the landing in three steps and burst into her room. She is standing up, wailing from what she considers unforgivable inattention, but breaks into a sunshine smile at the sight of me. This bodes well.
An hour later, my friend Julie texts to ask how I am doing, the unwritten suggestion being that I'm flailing already. Without thinking, I invite her over for lunch, knowing that she'll turn me down, given the late notice and my current circumstance. But she says yes, and so I invite Richard. He says yes, too.
It is only as I'm walking to the train station an hour later to pick them both up that I realise this means I will no longer be all alone with my daughter this weekend. I wonder whether what I'm doing is calling in the cavalry. Even worse, have my friends so readily agreed to come to see me at the drop of a hat because they fear for my daughter, home alone in the company of a man who hasn't a clue?
They arrive, and we prepare lunch. In the fridge, I find mineral water and a half carton of orange juice. Behind a cauliflower on the bottom shelf, I discover a forgotten bottle of champagne. I open it. It tastes good.
My friends had intended to stay only for lunch, but somehow it is now 11pm and they are still here. Amaya is asleep upstairs, the kitchen table is strewn with the remains of a takeaway, and we are horizontal after a second bottle of wine. The running theme of our conversation is how I am, in effect, drunk on duty, and failing to exhibit anything resembling fatherly responsibility.
"Elena would kill you if she knew," Richard suggests as they leave.
As if to taunt me, Amaya breaks two full weeks of uninterrupted nights' sleep by waking at 3.30am, wailing plaintively. The room spins when I clamber to my feet, then turns liquid and sideways as I try to make my way towards her. I fall to my knees at the cot, and she soon quietens as I start rubbing her back, an apparent preference of hers when combined with repetitive shushing. I'm praying right now that she falls asleep quickly, that her howls are not an indication that she is, in fact, ill. I don't want to consider this possibility. It's too terrifying because if I have to take her to hospital now the medical staff will smell the alcohol on me. Elena will divorce me. I'll be lucky to be granted weekend access by a judge keen to set an example.
I make my repeated shh noises, whose top notes become increasingly shrill with pleading. The longest 20 minutes of my life elapse until Amaya's breathing becomes steady and she goes under again. I return to my room and collapse on to the mattress. Relief puddles around me.
If there is a more potent motivator for the sudden pursuit of goodness than an overwhelming sensation of guilt, I'd like to meet it. In the morning, I am up and showered before my daughter has even stirred. I banish my hangover with jets of cold water. I can't afford to feel bad today. I have responsibilities, and I aim to meet every last one of them.
By the time I tiptoe into Amaya's room, I find that she is already awake and sitting up, leafing through a book and smiling at me as if last night never happened. I lift her up and take her over to the window, where I open the curtains to a bright Sunday morning. Looking down into the garden, she points to one corner with mounting excitement. There, we see a mother fox and her six cubs, tiny and gorgeous, the colour of autumn and full of the bounce of new life.
We are captivated by the sight until, after 10 minutes, Amaya wants to get down and do something else. I place her on the floor, where she starts to play with her plastic cups, which she likes to stack and stack again. I stay by the window to watch the mother fox tending its young. From behind me, I hear a noise, the sound of choking.
I turn around and see my daughter still on the floor, her face now a bright and urgent purple, mouth gaping. Her eyes are huge with panic, and she is gesturing at her chest. I drop to the floor and begin to pat her back, gently at first, then harder. Nothing. I have no idea what I am supposed to do, and for several painful moments I draw a complete blank. She continues pointing. I tilt her head back and look inside her mouth to see that something large and yellow has become wedged at the opening of her throat. I insert an index finger and manage to make quick purchase of the object, which slides out with merciful ease. It is half of the plastic casing of a Kinder Egg toy, slippery with saliva.
Amaya is now breathing freely. She pants like a dog. She clambers on to my lap and hugs me tightly, pressing her hot body against mine. She has never done this before, and I hug her back with equal force, an avalanche of guilt mixing with overwhelming relief.
For the remainder of the day, I am a model parent. I feed Amaya, play with her, keep the television off and the volume of my iPod at an acceptable level. We go for a walk along the river where I introduce her to the ducks and swans, and I buy her a yoghurt drink that she pours all down her T-shirt and on to her jeans. We spend 30 minutes at the playground. I push her high on the swings, accompany her on the roundabout till we very nearly see my Japanese takeaway from last night again, and help her up and down the slide until the sun sets and the temperature drops.
At home after dinner, I give Amaya her evening bath and allow her to soak the sponge and push it into my face repeatedly, something she finds helplessly amusing. The day, uninterrupted by the influence of selfish childless friends or alcohol, has been perfect.
At 8pm, she is lying in her cot with only the light from the rotating musical mobile keeping the room from total darkness. In the shadows, her eyes find mine and lock on. A beautiful smile melts slowly across her face, filled with benevolence and unambiguous sentiment. This, I become convinced, is reciprocal love finally asserting itself. Tears flood my eyes.
I sit on the floor by the bars of the cot and allow her to fall asleep with my finger in her grasp, setting an unwise precedent for the nights to come, but right now I don't care. I just want to be right here alongside her, to draw out the moment for as long as I can.
Once she is fully asleep and I have managed to remove my finger from her fist, I head downstairs to watch television. It is showing Kolya, an Oscar-winning Czech film about a confirmed bachelor in late middle age whose life is turned upside down when he has to look after a young boy. I first saw this film several years ago and, though I found it mildly diverting, I considered it a lot of mawkish guff. Now I find it almost unbearably profound, and its poignancy knocks the wind out of me.
Elena arrives home towards the end, at the moment the man has to return the boy to his mother, who has come back to whisk him off to a new life in Germany. He is utterly bereft at the child's departure. As my wife bends down to kiss me, she sees the tears streaming down my cheeks. Instantly, she panics: "What is it? Is it Amaya? What happened? What have you done?"
I shake my head, smiling. I decide not to tell her about the drinking and the choking. It'll wait.
The film's credits roll, and then I speak.
"I think maybe my daughter loves me," I say.
She looks at me, confused. "And you've only just realised?"